Don’t do a double take. I am writing this sitting at my desk in Santa Monica, California, surveying the gyrations of the great and mighty US of A. Or are those Vladimir Putin’s puppet strings I see? Whatever it may be, it’s not a pretty sight. Except for the fact that the economy is booming and unemployment is below 5%.
As I said three weeks ago (pay attention, people), I won’t be writing about restaurants and Jacob "God’s Gift to Satire" Zuma any more. Zuma’s gone, thank God. I will miss him. Remember when he couldn’t quite get his head around the fact that showers don’t protect you against HIV? Or around that humungous amount of money the state paid Mala Mala in that rather interesting land claim?
Oh, he’s also the guy who hired and kept Faith Muthambi. I absolutely don’t believe in capital punishment, but Zuma’s appointments make a very persuasive case for that sort of thing.
I am sorry. I digress, again. That restaurant review gig was a nice job while I had it.
I have been in the US for three weeks now and I am already tut-tutting.
It’s The Donald. I don’t know what to do with him. He is turning out to be a greater gift to satire than Zuma. And that’s saying something, because you could sometimes inadvertently misquote Zuma. But President Donald Trump gives you the quotes on Twitter.
Comedians should pay him a retainer for that.
Trump gives you the quotes on Twitter. Comedians should pay him a retainer for that
It’s no wonder our man in New York, Trevor Noah, is doing so well. Trump is feeding him new lines every day. Noah doesn’t need to work another day in his life. All he has to do is lie in his hammock, sip piña coladas and wait for Trump to tweet. Voila! That’s the entire television show for that evening.
He makes one want to reach for a nice bourbon. Or two.
The more I listen to Trump the more I wonder what he thinks being in the White House actually means. Does it mean being responsible for the welfare of the entire US population and indeed the world, or does he think he is the lead in Mario Puzo’s The Godfather?
Next, the head of a dead horse
The man’s utterances over the past few weeks, as one after the other of his consiglieres have been found guilty or cornered over all sorts of malfeasance, have made me think about Marlon Brando’s turn as the capo di tutti capi in the movie.
First, when Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen admitted to paying hush money to a porn star and alleged former lover of Trump’s, Stormy Daniels, the president made it a point to tell Fox News that he was against people telling the truth to the police.
Hello, I thought US law enforcement was based on whistleblowers?
Trump praised another of his ex-lieutenants mired in legal trouble, Paul Manafort.
"[Cohen] makes a better deal when he uses me, like everybody else," Trump said. "And one of the reasons I respect Paul Manafort so much is he went through that trial — you know they make up stories. People make up stories. This whole thing about flipping, they call it, I know all about flipping."
He continued: "For 30, 40 years I’ve been watching flippers. Everything’s wonderful and then they get 10 years in jail and they — they flip on whoever the next highest one is, or as high as you can go."
For at least 40 years the president of the US has been watching "flippers"? Does he have something to hide?
It all feels a tad surreal, this America. It’s certainly shocking that the US president has been wondering all these years whether someone was going to flip on him. It’s very telling.
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.