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That Spot on 4th **
17 Fourth Avenue, Parktown North, Johannesburg Tel: (010) 900-3118
Thuli Madonsela *****
Excellent ****
Good ***
Poor **
Supra Mahumapelo *
— FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The man was shaking. He seemed unhappy. No, he seemed miserable. I took one look at him and knew things were not going to go well for me at that meeting.
My business partner had set up the encounter. I merely had to come up with the venue. So I did a bit of googling and found That Spot on 4th in Parktown North.
It ticked all the boxes. It was just the right distance for all four of us. The pictures looked great — the place was small, intimate, not too trendy, tastefully decorated. The reviews were generous. The menu sounded interesting.
What could possibly go wrong? Well, everything. I was the third person to arrive. The wind was whistling and Joburg temperatures had plummeted below 10°C. I sat down and our guest asked me pointedly: "Wouldn’t you agree that coffee is a basic human right?"
I am a Ceylon tea man myself, but given the obsessive nature of coffee drinkers I knew the UN had erred in failing to pronounce on this matter in its universal declaration.
It turns out the coffee machine was broken. The waiter had nonchalantly declared it would be fixed in 20 minutes. Twenty minutes came and went. No coffee. No explanation. In a breakfast restaurant.
The service was atrocious. Two young men were in charge. I walked in and after a while, though there were just four tables to look after, no-one had taken my order. I had to stand and go to the till to beg for service.
They want our money but they don’t want us to hear how they are running our business? Amazing
— Justice Malala
Then the electricity went out. I’m not sure if this was City Power, Eskom or the proprietors. We sat looking at each other — no coffee and no service.
"Shall we go elsewhere?" asked our guest. My business partner pointed out that the establishment nearby is owned by the progeny of a notorious Gupta-linked politician.
So we sat it out. The electricity supply returned with a clang.
Our fourth guest arrived and we moved to a table for four — we had asked for one originally but had been ignored. I ordered a salmon, poached egg and avocado concoction written up on the board. The waiter sneered at me, saying what I wanted was the same as a salmon breakfast dish that was on the menu. I wanted what was on the board. He said it’s the same as what’s written in the menu. Then he went to look at the board. "Oh, oh, oh," he cooed. "Those are the specials from Mother’s Day."
Our guest’s order arrived. There were no cutlery or napkins on the table. Ho hum.
We waved at the waiter. He ignored us. Two other patrons approached his till. He took a very long time totting up their bill.
He reminded me of SAA. These worthies, who are paid by the taxpayer, went to parliament last week to ask for R21bn of our money. They promptly asked the parliamentary committee to close the meeting to the public. They want our money but they don’t want us to hear how they are running our business? Amazing.
So I sat there, with my meeting disintegrating, as the waiters dawdled instead of serving us, the paying customers.
Finally, our guest decided to get coffee elsewhere. Our breakfast arrived, cold and miserable.
I hate to knock new, upcoming restaurants. That Spot on 4th is pretty, but that was one of the worst breakfast experiences I have had in a long time.
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