I knew from the start it was going to be a tricky proposition. On the day my son Khanyani was due to go back to boarding school, my niece Luyanda, whom I had not seen in 10 years, arrived in Joburg to stay with us as she starts a new job.
At 17 Khanyani is a basketball player who makes me look like a midget even though I am much, much taller than Thabo Mbeki; Luyanda, 28, is as thin as a rake. Khanyani can swallow the entire Union Buildings complex and still look hungry; Luyanda can look full after eating a handful of toothpicks.
So you see my quandary. I wanted to treat these creatures to a nice dinner but wasn’t sure where they’d both be happy. The one does not mind what he eats, the other abhors red meat, and I hate junk food. My wife is out of town so I couldn’t consult her about where to take the two for dinner where they could talk to each other as they prepared for the next chapter in their journeys.
Then I remembered the last time I was faced with such a challenge. It was in Cape Town a few years ago when I was with my friend Zim, a carnivorous fellow, and his wife, Nomsa, who hates meat. I took them to Hussar Grill and they had a good time.
So I took the kids to the Waterfall branch of the franchise.
0 of 4
Going out these days is a celebratory event. That’s the spirit I got as we parked at the mall. Music boomed from one of the restaurants in the square. The parking lot was bustling. The outdoor tables at all the restaurants were fully occupied. Thankfully, as we arrived an outdoor table had just become available.
Khanyani ordered a huge rib-eye steak with veggies (R245); Luyanda settled for fried calamari (R180). I ordered the carpetbagger, a massive filet mignon stuffed with oysters and topped with cheddar cheese and mustard sauce (R235). I had mashed potatoes with my meal while the kids had fresh vegetables.
It was the kind of meal that made me happy to be alive, even under the current circumstances. Every morsel was a celebration. Unfortunately, Luyanda was not happy with her calamari. She gave me a bite; it was rubbery with a cardboard taste. Which was a shame, because Khanyani was enjoying his steak. But Luyanda took solace in the wine we were having — an unassuming Niel Joubert merlot 2017 (R220). We initially thought we’d have dessert, but the portions were so huge that Luyanda and I asked for doggie bags. Of course Khanyani the human hoover polished everything on his plate. As I said, he can eat Jacob Zuma’s Nkandla palace and the parliamentary complex, including its rotund occupants, and still look hungry.
Speaking of parliament, I hear DA leader John Steenhuisen has not ruled out a coalition with an ANC led by Cyril Ramaphosa should there be a stalemate in the 2024 elections. I won’t say I am surprised by Steenhuisen’s statement. Politicians are among the most promiscuous animals on earth. Many of them don’t know how to spell "principle" or "scruple".
A coalition will obviously neutralise both parties. One therefore wonders just who will actually wield power in such a malodorous marriage, and how it will affect the delivery of basic services to citizens.
Hussar Grill *****
Waterfall Corner, Joburg
Tel: 010-594-5556
Caster Semenya *****
Cyril Ramaphosa ****
Jacob Zuma ***
Shepherd Bushiri **
Ace Magashule *
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.